Wowza, it has been a long time since I have updated this blog! I had named this blog mommy uncorked to play on the two most important things in my life. My life as a mom, and of course, my love of wine! I have in the past only focused on the mom part of my life. Lately, my current job as a reading specialist has made me really stop and think about what I want to do with my professional life. Call it an existential crisis, if you will.
I am 35 years old, married to my high school sweetheart. We have three amazing kids. The third child was a complete surprise. Having three kids was never in our plan. But now that we are a seasoned family of five, I have begun to question my professional life. I absolutely love teaching reading, but I have three kids! I love helping kids grow and progress, but now that my kids are 9, 5, and 2 things seem as busy as when they were infants. But in a totally different way.
My eldest son is currently involved in select baseball, basketball, and guitar lessons. My daughter started gymnastics in August and absolutely loves it. I am so excited that they have found activities that they love, but that means we have practice four nights a week...AND on Saturdays. I have had a hard time adjusting to this new busy schedule. I used to pick up my kids from daycare and come home for the evening. Now we are constantly running around like crazy people after school. My van is literally packed for a zombie apocalypse. I have changes of clothes, snacks, drinks, books, toys, cricket bats, you name it stashed away in my van. It is about impossible to make dinner. The crock pot is my new BFF. But even still we don't eat as a family on most nights like we used to. My husband and I are quickly finding that life is super hard with three kids, no family to help out, and busy busy schedules. So to say that I've been having an existential crisis might be an understatement.
I am at a point in my career where I need a change from my current building. Now I just have to decide what I should do. Do I transfer to another building and risk running into the same problems that I'm dealing with now? The city I teach in is a total small town. Super annoying. Do I apply to another district and try to learn a new job in a new district where I would be teaching adults instead of kids (most likely as an instructional coach), but be more on my kids' schedule? Do I quit altogether and finally just be a mom? Do I even like working with kids?! Am I content doing the same job for the rest of my career? What will happen with the new presidential administration? Is public education too focused on test scores? Can I handle staying home full time? Will I go crazy with worry and anxiety when I have more time to think about things? Should I give up an amazing daycare for Finn? Again? Would I eventually be able to volunteer in my kids' school with my reading master's degree? Should I start back to school for another master's degree? Do I need to just say fuck it? I mean, plans change, right? Three kids was never in the plan. Three kids has made me nuts, that is for sure. Is it time to just be a mom? Will that be enough for me?
I already know that life will be much easier if I don't work. Working part time would be ideal, but unfortunately in my field it isn't a possibility. Plus it wouldn't save on the daycare bill, as I would still have to pay daycare for my school-age kids as well as for my 2 year old. Which brings me back to quitting. For good. Or for a few years. Finn is 2. So I have another three years of daycare for him. The thought of completely quitting used to scare me, but now, I totally think I could. I have been teaching for 14 years. I have been a full time working parent for 9 years. For the first time in my life, I think I could totally just walk away from my job. Walk away from my tenure. Walk away from my years of service. Did I mention that I'm possibly 6 years away from an early retirement buyout? Is that a smart thing to do? Lots of things to consider. Which brings me to the second part of my blog title....uncorked....Stay tuned for more!!
